Why Are Phone Calls So Hard?

I hate phone calls. I can sometimes get so used to them (when I have a job that makes me do them repeatedly) that I feel relatively neutral about doing them, but when left to my own devices for any stretch of time I just don't like calling people. Someone made a comment the other day that made this feel like it makes sense instead of like there's something wrong with me. 

I hate making phone calls because I can't see the other person. I have to rely on my (terrible) ability to interpret their tone and word choice without being able to reference their expression or posture to figure out what they mean or if they're upset with me. People don't get why I hate it so much but mostly it's because I'm so scared of not being able to understand their social cues.

And oh my god it makes sense. 

I already struggle with being able to tell whether or not someone is upset with me when I'm standing in the room and looking right at them. In addition, I have an auditory processing disorder that makes it difficult for me to understand noises when there are other noises happening in the same vicinity (like the radio, TV, traffic passing, another conversation, etc.) so I rely pretty heavily on being able to see someone speaking - partly reading lips, partly reading their expression. You'd be amazing how much difference it makes. 

Back when Covid first started becoming A Problem, I remember a gal coming into the clinic where I worked, wearing a fabric mask with a clear plastic window in so I could see her mouth. I loved how accessible and handicap-friendly that was, in addition to how much it helped me understand what she was saying. 

Now I'm figuring out that my intense dislike of phone calls might have something to do with that same issue. I'm scared of not being able to understand people. 

For whatever reason, this fear does not follow me through to emails or texts - I think mostly because I have time to think about my response and decide whether to ask for clarification or not before saying anything. I appreciate having that time to think. 

But on the phone? Nope! You gotta reply IMMEDIATELY or people start asking "are you there" and "did you hear me" and stuff like that. 

Can we just outlaw phone calls? Let texts replace them completely. Please. 

Chili Weather (haha)

The temperature of the world outside has suddenly taken a nose-dive into proper fall weather at last. The leaves are changing color, the wind is brisk, and it's time to break out the slow cooker and start making deliciousness. Today, I'm going to be sharing a recipe that I tweaked recently to better suit what ingredients I had on hand. I'm going to continue playing with this one, but I thought it turned out surprisingly well the first time, so I might as well write down this first iteration and share it with all of you who want to make some for yourself. 

• 1 lb ground turkey
• 1 qt chicken broth
• 1 can stewed diced tomato
• 1 can tomato paste
• 4 cans beans, drained (I used black and navy beans)
• 2 green bell peppers, chopped
• 1 yellow onion, diced
• cumin, chili powder, oregano to taste (I added ~2 tbs each) 

Add all ingredients to your crockpot and set to high for 3-4 hours, or low for 6-8. For extra flavor, add celery (2-3 stalks, chopped fine) and 1 tbs of minced garlic. 

I did not add any salt or pepper to this batch because I didn't have any on hand, but the way it turned out I didn't need any! If you decide to make this chili for yourself, please let me know how it turns out and what changes of your own that you made. I'd love to see what you do with it. :) 

UPDATE TIME

Wow it's been a while since I wrote anything for you lot. 😅 Things have been... shall we say rather busy? General update for y'all: 

1. I'm married
2. I've moved into a new house
3. I have a job at a lovely local park
4. I've started my transition (HRT for a year now babyyyyy)
5. The world is even more on fire than it was last time I wrote

Since tomorrow is the first day of NaNoWriMo, I thought it would be smart to pick up my proverbial pen once more and start writing regularly. I've been struggling with this over the last few months for various reasons which mostly boil down to poor mental health and increased work load. 

With luck, I'll be able to start a good routine with my lil blog here and keep you updated on the things going on in our little corner of the world. Until next time, good luck out there my friends. Stay safe and remember to hydrate!

Asexuality

For those of you that don't know, I identify as asexual. There are some people on both extremes of the political spectrum that seem to think asexuality either isn't real or is just an imaginary stepping-stone toward the "real thing" (that is, probably being gay). The truth is neither of those things, but since when have extremists been right about everything? 

"Asexual" literally means "not sexual." As with most things, it is a spectrum of possible feelings, ranging from enjoying sex but only with a specific person (demi-sexual), enjoying sex but not really pursuing it (sex-ambivalent), or not liking sex at all (sex-averse). Some asexual (or "ace") folk have an average level of libido, but don't want to be touched by another person, others have little or no libido at all. 

There are, to be fair, some people that think they may be ace for a time, but later discover that they are sexually attracted to a kind of person they hadn't encountered or spent significant time with in the past. This is perfectly acceptable and valid. "Asexual" is a label one claims for oneself, and does not change the nature of the person taking on the label. It's just a good way to communicate to others what one's preferences may be. 

As mentioned above, I identify as asexual. More specifically, I am "sex-repulsed," meaning that I do not only not pursue sex, I actively avoid it. 

If you are curious how I figured that out, allow me to summarize: I am 30 years old, and as of this writing, I have never felt the desire or willingness to undress, be touched, or to kiss in any particularly physical way. In fact, the only time I have had another person's tongue in my mouth, I immediately asked them to put it away, because it felt gross to me. Through high school and college, I thought that when people talked about how "hot" someone was, they were merely commenting on the adherence of a specific person's aesthetic quality to the accepted social standard. 

This person has visible abdominal muscles and a pleasantly golden-brown tan, they must be "hot." 

And to be clear, being ace is not something that's wrong with me. I am not sad because I cannot find pleasure in sex - that would be like asking someone who's afraid of bees if they're sad they will never be a beekeeper. I am perfectly happy and content with the way that I am, and I have no interest in "trying it," "giving it a chance," or "getting used to it." I am not obligated to enjoy things I have no interest in, and neither do you. 

You're allowed to be who you are, whether society thinks you're "normal" or not.

Two Sides to Every Coin

So... the following argument has gotten me into trouble a few different times, so please be warned that what I'm about to say might be what some call a "spicy take." I advise those of you who are inclined to be frustrated or angry about spicy topics to read something more soothing - like perhaps a short story or some holiday-themed poetry. :) 

Alright, is everyone braced? Are we all ready? 

Okay, here we go. 

I propose that in every conflict, there are at least two sides, sometimes more. 

I further suggest that in every conflict, even one where a certain party is "obviously the victim," there are choices being made on both sides of the conflict. 

And to conclude, I would put forth the idea that, victim or not, every person involved in a conflict should be expected to take responsibility for the choices they made and the actions they took. 

Now, the most common argument I hear in response to these points I made above is that I am "victim-blaming," which is entirely missing the point of what I said. Not that the victims are responsible for their own suffering - not at all. But that BOTH sides of the conflict were active participants in a conflict. 

If you say a thing, do a thing, or donate to a thing, you should reasonably be held accountable for the thing you said, did, or donated to. Sometimes the accountability boils down to "you were operating on incomplete information." Other times, it's a rewarding, satisfying feeling for doing, saying, or donating to "the right thing." 

Being held responsible for your choices should not be an automatic negative. In the worst scenarios, of course, there are folk that need to be held responsible for actions that were indisputably bad. Actions that result in the harm or death of other human beings, for example, or words that make others hurt in inside places that don't heal easily. Even when performed without ill intent, or without knowing that harm was coming of their choices, actions that result in harm should be considered the responsibility of the person who performed them. 

I'm not going to site a specific situation, conflict, or topic. I'm sure you can think of several without very much effort at all. And I will admit that there are some circumstances where the victim in a given situation was not an active part in anything, but is suffering due to someone else's reaction to their existence. But these are certainly exceptions to the rule, not the rule itself. When I feel myself in the position of the victim, I ask myself "what have I done, said, or implied that might have made this worse, and is there something I can do to make it better?" Obviously, sometimes I'm too upset to think this at the time, but it is a change I am trying very hard to implement in myself. And more often than not, I can identify in my own actions some things that might have provoked or aggravated the unpleasant situation. 

I cannot change the choices of others. Only my own. 

So when I can, I try to look at both sides of the coin before I decide how to react. 

CRAFTING

 This year, I decided to make my own Christmas cards and OMG this is so much fun!! :D 

So just before I moved earlier this year, I bought a used Cricut machine from a friend of mine, along with some accessories (like a scoring stylus and some markers). This allowed me to start in on making my own stickers, personalizing my tee shirts, and making cards at home. 

So when the Christmas season rolled around, I said "Don't spend money on cards we don't really like all that much. I'll just get some card stock and make a whole bunch of them for us!" 

I don't think I'm going to get them all done in time, honestly, but I'm excited anyway. :D 

And on top of that, there's just something really satisfying about spreading my crafting stuff all over the apartment. It's a bit like I'm claiming the space as mine. No one else can use it until I'm done. 

It is a bit of a pain to clean up afterward, but I think that's a price worth paying, honestly. 

Silly Ideas

 My November was spent engaged in NaNoWriMo - National Novel Writing Month. And my idea for the month was "Harry Potter, but Better." I basically took the premise of "magic school" and said "what if politics, and also dealing with nonmagic folk, and also gay?" 

I really enjoyed it. It was funny and silly and a real challenge to actualize not only the characters I sympathized with but also the ones that I didn't. After November ended I was tired, and a little burnt out on that plot, so I decided to take a step back and start on a different project, just to give my brain a little room to breathe. 

What did I start? 

"Twilight, but Better." 

Because I looked at my HP but Better setting and said to myself "I could use this for other urban fantasy stories, too." 

And I did. 

So now I have two stories in the works that are honestly very fun and that I'm invested in seeing actually complete (which is hard for me - finding an ending that is satisfying is just difficult). 

But I have to ask myself if these stories are as interesting as I think they are. And if I'm not planning to/able to publish, were these stories worth writing?