New City, New Me

There has always been something to be said for consistency, but a life without flexibility is doomed to pain and frustration as things change that cannot be controlled. A traffic delay makes you late, a sandwich shop you like suddenly goes out of business, a family member moves away... or perhaps you fall in love and move across the country to a situation you had thought you would never personally occupy. 

Such is life, and getting upset about it helps literally no one, so here we are, sitting on a balcony near the center of a rather large city, people-watching as I drink my morning tea and write posts for my newly restarted blog (for posterity, of course). Changes need to be made, some of them expensive, others quite mundane. How I hang or fold clothes. How often I do laundry. What kind of litter the cat gets in her box. 

The simple difference between driving to the store and walking or biking there is phenomenal. I can't describe to you how mind-blowing it is to know that I no longer require a vehicle for shopping trips. I am free to walk to the library. I can visit several historic sites and a number of very nice museums without ever having to worry about where my car keys are. 

I am not city folk. The noise and the smell and the bustle have never been my thing. As far back as I can clearly remember (that is, age 8 and forward) I have lived in rural, isolated areas. Except for that one year in high school when I lived in Las Vegas. I will happily never repeat that, thank you. Too hot. 

But the idea of being able to see my next-door neighbor's house was, until a couple months ago, something that made me grimace. Now I'm seated on the balcony of a large apartment complex, looking out over the roofs of similar buildings nearby, fully aware that the neighbor might already be out on the balcony next to me. (Not that I would know. There's a brightly-colored flag and a veritable jungle of potted plants between the two of us.) 

I have a lot of adjusting to do, both inside and outside. The way I live my life and the way I think both need to be tuned up to match the demands of my new situation. 

My only hope is that I will not disappoint.

Why I Don't Like Road Trips

 

Before I start, let me be clear on what I mean by "road trip," because I'm sure there are some folk out there that are currently looking horrified at the thought of someone disliking a literal vacation. 

A "road trip" is, by my definition, a journey by car from point A to point B exceeding 5 hours in length. The more days in which I must consecutively spend 5+ hours in the car, the less energetic/happy I will be, for the simple reason that being on the road for that long is tiring in multiple ways. 

I can imagine that there might be some disagreement on whether or not my definition is not too simplistic. Obviously, a road trip should also include destinations, breaks, snacks, audiobooks, tons of pictures, road games, carpool karaoke, and other accouterments of fun and merriment. But I think therein lies the snag - because those extras aren't always present. 

Now I like vacations as much as the next person, and I find them extremely enjoyable. I love garage saling, camping, antiquing, and gawping like a tourist in as many museums as I can possibly find. I love stopping at farmers' markets and little vegetable or fruit stands as I find them. I adore trading 'traveling with animals' stories with strangers at rest stops, and asking folk about what breed their dog is. Viewpoints and historic monuments are a distinct pleasure, and I will never pass by a river, lake, reservoir, or beach without at least attempting to take a picture of the water. 

But as I mentioned a minute ago, those things don't always happen, and sometimes you just have to drive for hours and hours to reach a particular, singular destination within a certain time. My own family, in a time long ago when I was small and annoying, would routinely make the 10+ hour drive to my Nan's house in Bull Shoals, AK, and generally we only stopped once or twice along the way - once for a bathroom break, and maybe once for food if it was getting late. 

It was miserable beyond words to express, and boring as anything. When there are no (or at least fewer) time constraints and the freedom/desire to stop at small towns, hole-in-the-wall diners, craft fairs, and interesting thrift shops, then the trip is exponentially more bearable and interesting for a combination of reasons: 

Primarily, it's better because the hours spent in the vehicle are broken up with chances to stretch our legs and move around, which minimizes physical discomfort and stiffness. But the stops also give us the opportunity as a couple, a family, or a friend posse to explore shared interests and discuss subjects we care about, whether that's conservation, art, or animal care. It's significantly more fun to enjoy time Doing Things Together than it is simply sitting together and trying to keep a conversation going long after your energy for thinking of new things to say has already run out. 

So I'm not saying that road trips are bad. 

I'm not saying that they're boring or not worthwhile. 

What I'm saying, both from past and recent experience, is that driving someplace just to get there can be tiring, uninteresting, and a severe tax on the patience of anyone young and trapped in the back seat. :) I personally prefer leisurely trips, allowing time for regular stops and whimsical detours when the fancy strikes. This obviously isn't always doable, but it goes a long way toward making such trips much more fun. 

Thus ends my ramble inspired by the last week, in which my partner and I have traveled 2,911 miles, and nearly 50 hours through 10 states and 4 time zones. 

The Big Move

For the last several days, I've been working on moving about half of my worldly belongings across the country with my Partner and the love of my live, Bev. I would love to tell you that everything has been hunky-dory and that there is absolutely nothing at all that has caused either of us discomfort. 

But here's the thing about relationships - it's always going to be difficult. It doesn't matter how much Bev and I love each other, because relationships take work, and the two of us will always need to work on communication. 

Just last night, I had to move from the bed out onto the couch of our final Airbnb of the trip because for several hours in the middle of the night, I couldn't lie down flat without coughing, and I think this fact might have upset my partner. (I don't blame them at all, to be honest, and I would have felt the same if they had abandoned me in the middle of the night.) 

I really think that's part of the excitement of this move, though. We're testing the strength of our relationship and our ability to be flexible with one another. They deserve my devotion and love, and I deserve their honesty and trust. Unless we both work to make this happen, it won't. Because as one of my favorite professors once told me: Change doesn't happen on accident.

One of the things that I've come to learn since Bev and I got together is that there are LOTS of things that we disagree on. Some of them (a lot of them) are big, hot-button topics of a political persuasion, and the two of us have learned how to discuss these subjects with care and respect for one another's viewpoints. It doesn't mean that neither of us ever gets upset and it doesn't mean that the disagreements magically never happen. There is no such cure for the human condition, unfortunately, and anyone that tries to persuade you of such a thing is probably selling you something. 

I have high hopes for what's going to come next. Time to work on my book. The energy to return to my passion for blogging and podcasting. Headspace to process and even become active in political discussions. And most importantly, the freedom to more fully explore who I am in the light of my relationship with Christ and with Bev. 

Because if there's one thing I've learned in my short life on this little blue marble, it's that my relationships should help me see me more clearly. If I'm not reflecting on myself, I can't very well make the educated changes I need to be a better person, can I? 

Until next time, signing off from the Eastern Time Zone. 

    - Taylor